Customer stories

We're sure you'll be satisfied with our one-of-a-kind proxy bowling service, but don't just take our word for it—we've lied to our customers before, and there were no real percussions, so Lord knows we'd do it again! That said, here's what some recent users of our service had to say:

Stephanie, age 109, Bristol:

I had six sessions with a surly, rugged looking sort of man. Jonathan, he said he was called, but, hmmm, I don't know about that. Well you never do know, do you? Anyway this Jonathan, very helpful, very large hands... Great big hands he had! You'd think it would have made it hard for him to bowl, wouldn't you? Didn't seem to though. Well, he must be used to his own hands, musn't he? Massive, great hands they were. What was it I was saying?

Mississippi 25-Jones, age 6, Bristol:

I do not exist. Do not believe my testimony, I have been fabricated purely to provide corroboration for the services of a company peddling a very questionable product. Actually, I think Private Bowlers are a great idea, but then I would, wouldn't I? Too young to bowl a proper game, and non-existent: I'm their ideal customer. Please just ignore me.

Underscore Pindelbrobf, age 22, near Bristol:

I've been thinking about moving back into the city center since I finished undergrad, but the rent is just way more expensive, so it's kind of hard to justify right now. Maybe some time in the future if I strike gold or something, but the rent is just crazy high—you can get a nice place on the outskirts for like half the money.