About
At Stoke Junkyar , you name it: we'll junk it! From an '06 Renault Megane to a really big emerald, from a dried hunk of human excrement to a really, really big emerald—we'll take the lot.
People always ask us: do you accept this? Do you accept that? Our answer is always the same: Doris, we've taken nuclear warheads before, so this is nothing. It's fucking nothing, Doris, nothing!
Just recently someone brought in the "d" from our very name, and overnight we went from a semantically obvious "Junkyard" to a customer-confounding "Junkyar ". We've since leant into the change though, and now enjoy placing undue stress on the "ar" sound in the fashion of a squawking crow.
In 2018 we won a "champion of the people" award from Staffordshire County Council.
Types of waste
"I have to ask you one question, Dierdre. It is Dierdre, isn't it? Now Dierdre, is this bomb 'armed' or 'unarmed'?", she pauses for a moment, visibly unsure. "It's ok, if you're not sure, we'll just put 'armed' to be on the safe side."
| Accepted | Restricted | Not accepted |
| Asbestos | Abstract concepts | |
| Batteries | Clinical waste | |
| Cars | Emeralds | |
| Clothes | Radioactive material | |
| Electrical appliances | Soil | |
| Explosives | ||
| Fridges and freezers | ||
| Furniture | ||
| Garden waste | ||
| Glass | ||
| Household waste | ||
| Napalm | ||
| Paper and cardboard | ||
| Plastics | ||
| Poisons | ||
| Scrap metal | ||
| Wood and timber |
"I told you he'd say that", sighed Margaret to her husband. I glance again at the assortment of items placed before me: a vintage Avon aftershave bottle in the shape of a rhinoceros , two dozen or so batteries, and "She'll Be Coming 'round The Mountain". The last one isn't visible, but it's implied ("I'll show you, but you're not supposed to know"). "Look", I tell her, in a sympathetic tone: "we can take one verse. How about that?" Margaret perks up a little. "Nobody will miss just one verse, will they?", she says—"and you'll take all the batteries?"
Emeralds
When Stoke Junkar was first founded, we expected to receive our fair share of unusual items. What we could never have predicted, however, is that people keep bringing in massive emeralds. If you'd asked us at the start how many emeralds people would bring to a junkyard, we'd have confidently said zero.
It almost seems a shame to dump these beautiful minerals in some landfill site, but of course that's exactly what we do.
"An aircon compressor pump? It's possible. What's the car model?". "2007 Toyota Yaris", the man replies. "Hmm, we might have one... If you find one you can take it with you", I tell him, gesturing at the "auto parts" section by the rear loading bay.
Find Us
Last week a man came to drop off three gallons of expired paint and "the notion that a film should just pull you wholly and authentically into its world from the very start, not with a clever intro or a meticulously crafted sequence, just plunge the viewer straight into this world, it's characters etc. and have them find their bearings as it unfolds around them".
I say to him the paint's not a problem—you can dump the tins in that container over there—but I'll need some more context about your abstract concept (since we junked our "d", we've had to be a bit more cautious about things like this). "Bohouš", he says. "Bohouš, please don't misunderstand me. I adore cinéma vérité and that sort of thing. In fact, do you know André Bazin? Actually forget about that, now look—oh, there's another tin of paint here".
"Stephen", I say to him, presuming this to be his name. If not then it's Esteban or something similar: he's the sort. "We have to think carefully before we go throwing away these kinds of things... Have you at least filled in the required form?". Before he can answer, Gladys—one of our regulars—interrupts by hurling a 12-gallon bucket of ominous, glowing slop into the basin clearly marked "Radioactive Waste". I glance over and she gives a cheerful wave.
Opening times
April to September: 8am to 5pm, seven days a week
October to March: 8am to 4pm, seven days a week
Entrance gates shut 10 minutes before closing time
Christmas Eve: closes at 1pm
Christmas Day: closed
Boxing Day: closed
New Year's Day: closed
I frisbee the defunct kettle base into the designated household electronics container. It lands with a brief clang and longer clatter. "There's one more thing", he adds, sheepishly. "Can you tak all th instancs of th lttr "" in this sntnc?" This is the way things are nowadays, you have to understand. "How can you expect me to parse that?", I ask him. "You'll have to write it down—here, Gerd has a pen".
Decades
"Did you ask him what's inside?", I enquire, as the temp heaves a bulging backpack onto the countertop. "Yeah, just grenades", she replies. "Deactivated?". She nods. I carefully unzip the bag and, instead of the drab olive of inert ordnance, I spy at once the telltale glint of emeralds. "He should've brought a special permit for these", I declare. "Go, see if you can catch him".
