Explore our menu
At Lizzy's, unlike some of our comeptitors, there's no set menu: we'll cook whatever you want, just not fully*. With this said, we'd be remiss not to list a few of our customer's favourites, the culinary workhorses that keep them coming back for more (food poisoning notwithstanding). Please note that the following dishes are subject to availability, and Lizzy's reserves the right to remove any for any reason, at any time and without prior notice.
*and not if we don't have the ingredients, which we likely won't.
Brisk Burger™
Bring whatever you want, we'll compact it into a sort of disc shape and throw it on the "barbie" until it's still worryingly red (unless it's supposed to be red, in which case substitute a suitably worrying colour for whatever it is that you've brought. Actually, colour-wise, you throw in enough different ingredients and all roads lead to brown). Not always the most appetising-looking patty, but sometimes (rarely) the taste more than makes up for it!
Careless Kebab™
Careless in name, and even more careless in nature: our rotisserie spins at a whopping 7200 RPM. Detractors will say that this is "needlessly fast", but these same skeptics have labelled the doner meat itself as "worryingly, distressingly raw", so make of that what you will.
Haphazard Hot Dog™
Our economic savvy has made this a challenging dish to undercook, which is to say that we buy our hot dogs pre-cooked. Fear not, however: we have expedited the reheating process to an extent that the FDA have deemed only to "possibly, but by no means certainly" kill off any potential bacteria.
Nippy Noodles™
Is pouring hot broth over sliced beef sufficient to cook it? How about lukewarm broth? The more broth, the longer it takes to heat up, so this is a huge time-save for us. It's a profitable dish too—we use only the lowest quality, wholesale ingredients that we can purchase incredibly cheaply, then sell slightly warmed-up for a ludicrous markup.
Cursory Corn Chowder™
This hearty soup is popular with the vegetarian crowd, as well as those looking to lower their odds of contracting food poisoning by avoiding deliberately undercooked meats. Make no mistake, the danger of salmonella is still very much present in this dish, though the risk is reduced.
Rushed Roast Chicken™
A serial offender when it comes to food poisoning, our signature dish was described in a recent FDA review as "bordering on criminal negligence". If you haven't tried Lizzy's Rushed Roast Chicken™, it's unlikely you've ever had chicken this undercooked before.
Slapdash Salad™
As strong advocates for sustainability, we're always on the lookout for ways to reduce food waste. Enter our Slapdash Salad™: a hodgepodge of undercooked offcuts, withered leaves (depending on seasonal availability) and, yes, even entrails, this forward-thinking "salad" stretches the boundaries of the art form.
Alacritous Alfredo™
A dish that was motivated chiefly by our learning of the word "alacritous", and secondarily by how easy it looked to make. We take basically raw pasta, drag it through some butter and cream, and call it done. Surprisingly authentic but, perhaps less surprisingly, still a serious food poisoning risk (lice).
Fast-tracked Fries™
Our signature side starts life as a mere pile of potatoes, and ends up only slightly more appetising. Lizzy's fries are served the traditional Kansas way (the city, not the state): al dente. The surprising "bite" to our fries can sometimes surprise newcomers to the restaurant.
Turbo Tater Tots™
These are essentially the same idea as our Fast-tracked Fries™, but greater in mass and therefore more noticeably undercooked. One might assume that our Turbo Tater Tots™ would be cooked for longer than our Fast-tracked Fries™, on account of their greater size, but this is simply incorrect. A side dish that we cannot in good faith recommend.
